Devil Scraps
by untitledPhantom
Summary: Controlling a demon isn't that hard if you know how to do it right.
1. Gentleman Demon

The process was complete. Now the ritual was to be commenced. You checked your absolute steal of a witch craft book you found on Amazon with free two-day shipping through prime. The Latin words trickled off your tongue effortlessly. You had been preparing for this moment. It had to be perfect. You slashed your arms and blood dripped down onto the pentagram on the concrete floor.

Suddenly the lights went off all in what seemed like a mere second. A red aura surrounded the ebony pentagram on the floor as a grotesque figure arose from the sacred symbol.

"What bloody git has the GALL to interrupt my afternoon tea? That's a bloody sacred time for my tea, me, and my anxiety to all calm down for five bloody seconds." Turning to face you, the young man scoffed. He was clearly British, but he didn't look like a demon whatsoever. Instead this man looked like a typical blondie with monster caterpillars for brows.

"That would be me." You proudly accepted whatever fate awaited you. If you had enough balls to let a demon enter your home you could talk to it too.

"You?! What's a young lady like you doing summoning a demon for god's sake?!" Clearly the demon was astonished if not repulsed.

"I need a date for my friend's engagement party." You weren't going to candy coat it, this was the only reason you had called a demon.

"You couldn't have asked a neighbor or a coworker?" His eyes widened as he sighed at the sheer stupidity and lack of common sense.

"I'm too busy to get to know those fools! Besides, they're all potatoes. You're hot as hell!" You grinned, stifling back chuckles.

"Yes, that is incidentally where I came fro- but this is not the time for laughs or your shit stain puns young lady!" His groans seemed to fill the entire room completely.

"You're perfect. You fit all my requirements: Responsible, Unassuming, unattractive geezer personality, and most of all not someone I'll ever have to see again!" You mentally high-fived yourself, this was definitely not going to bite you in the butt later.

"Why can't you kids just be satisfied with your Ghostbusters and American Horror Stories? Give me a break, kiddo," He ran a hand through his messy, blonde fringy hair and sat down across from you, "Listen up, if I'm going to be living with you I have five rules. One, don't interrupt my tea ritual. Two, No always means no and don't dare try to persuade me. Three, my eyebrows will not be waxed! Four, when I use the restroom you will not barge in on me! Finally, I am neither your baby sitter, nor a replacement father!" The demon huffed as his list came to a close.

"Finally is right..." You rolled your eyes, sighing heavily, "Look-a-here old man, I don't have a problem with any of those rules as long as you fulfill my request." You sprawled out onto the floor, touching his knee.

His eyes quickly darted to your hand. As he looked back up to your eyes he mentally prepared himself for the stupidity waiting to be unleashed, "And what would this request possibly be?"

"You're going to be my roommate. Forever." You smirked, awaiting for his fuse to be blown off the walls.


	2. The Big Wide Web of Witchcraft

"See? It's not as repulsive as it sounds, right?" You shoved another spoonful of (favorite flavor) frozen yogurt into your mouth.

"It's still repulsive to think that a cow's breast liquid has been churned, frozen, and reflavored for humans's cheap thrills." The English demon pushed his cup of the frozen treat towards you.

"Don't mind if I do ~," You took a bite of his share, grinning, "Mmm...Mmm...Mh!" You made some sounds of approval as you claimed manifest destiny on this poor chap's yogurt.

"Hey! That wasn't an open invitation!" He growled in a low-tone as he began to form a pouting lip.

"So you do enjoy it?" You grinned as he couldn't resist the "earth treat" and sealed victory in your favor once more.

"I wouldn't say "enjoy" is the correct word. However, it makes up for the chemical factory that is your fast food industry." He claimed the cup that was rightfully his. Scooping more into his mouth, he ended up leaving a speck of frozen yogurt on the side of his mouth.

"You got something there buddy, but it's mine now!" You successfully swiped your finger across his lips and deposited the creamy goodness into your mouth.

"I thought I told you that wasn't an open invitation!" The English demon grumbled disapprovingly as he glared out the window.

About a week ago you had summoned a demon through the powers of online shopping. This chap happened to show up in the middle of the circle with his big ass caterpillar brows. You had startled him with a shocking proposition. He would be your forever roommate and you in turn would take him for weekly trips to Teavanna. Most of the times he had you buy the most expensive tea the store had just to spite you. He was a cheeky little fuck.


	3. The Witch's Familiar

"(Name), (Name), (NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEE)!" The British devil griped as you ended up almost smacking him straight in the face.

"WHAT YEAR IS IT?!" You jolted up from your covers, breathing heavily.

"Are you kidding me? What day it is is the most important matter right now!" He scoffed, almost as if he was disappointed in you.

"Well then, what day is it?" Your sleepy eyes shot a look of indifference and weariness as you prepared yourself for his speech.

"It's my birthday! Which means double Teavanna and more frozen yogurt!" He stood proudly, but quickly came to the verge of tears, "I can't believe you forgot my birthday (Name)... I even put it in your planner..."

You had to stifle your flood of laughter, "You think I use that thing?! It's just a facade to make people think I'm responsible! You're a real hoot Arthur!" You rose and patted his head.

He growled and turned away from your face, "I'm not your kitten, don't treat me like one!"

"I mean you could be. All you would need would be a cat headband, a tail, and some Meow Mi-." Before you could finish he put a finger to your lips.

"Shh. Can you hear that?" His eyes narrowed as he focused intensely on listening in to whatever he had heard.

Your eyes widened in shock and you jolted up to your closet. You began to fill your two suitcases and backpack with necessities as the English demon watched you in admiration.

"You're finally defending your territory?" He smiled like a proud father and was about to hug you when you destroyed his hopes.

"Fuck no! Man I'm getting out of this place, crashing at my friend (friend name)'s house, and you're coming with me!" You grabbed his arm and dashed out the door to your car.

While you were loading your trunk, he asked you about what was in your wall, "What the bloody hell is in your wall that you have to leave?"

"Raterich." Your eyes filled with a newfound seriousness as his eyebrows lifted upwards.

"Roderich?" He replied back in confusion.

"No, Raterich." You snapped back, correcting his foul ignorance for the ingenious name.

Arthur let out a sigh of relief even though he couldn't see the Austrian demon hiding in your walls. Arthur didn't even want to be in the decent parts of your house.

"Who is...Raterich?" The English devil was piqued slightly by your fear of Raterich.

"He's a rat. You know, cause of the "rat" part of his name. See it?" You were a little disheartened that you had to explain your expert puns.

"Oh, that's actually pretty clever. Good job." He congratulated you nevertheless.

"Right?" You gleamed in victory as you slammed the trunk shut.

"Wait a minute! Your terrible puns are beside the point at hand! You're leaving your house because a bloody rat has been renting out your walls?!" He grumbled, disappointed in your childish behavior to say the least.

"Yes...?" You looked at him as if he had been hit with the stupid stick from the bargain bucket.

"Of all the bloody twats I had to be stuck with I get the consolation prize!" He smacked his forehead. Clearly frustrated he tried to reason with you, he turned to walk off.

"Hey! I am at least prize C!" You grumbled at the thought of him even thinking of you in that lowly manner.

He sighed heavily, "Why don't you just hire someone to get rid of it?"

"I can't afford that! Especially not with your weekly Teavanna trips. You sighed as you opened the car door. Yet he grabbed your wrist before you could sit down in the driver's seat.

Your gaze met his and he blushed, chagrined, "I-I'll kill it. What if your friend finds out your living with a demon? T-That would be bad news."

You gleamed, gasping, "You know what? What about Teavanna twice a week?!" You hugged him tightly, nuzzling into his neck.

He pushed you back, trying to hide a slight grin, "That won't help your wallet any more than it has already, moron."


End file.
